Everything ok in the end !

Have been a little quiet in the blogging world back I'm back !

I spent 3 weeks away from home (with Dad after Mum's passing) and let me tell you that is no mean feat for someone who gets homesick going to work.  The hardest thing for me to cope with was the boy being at home & me away. This is the longest we have spent away from each other in the 13yrs we have been together. Not something I want experience again. Being on the end of a chat screen or even the phone just isn't the same as a warm hug !

While I was away in the first few days after Mum's passing we didn't eat much at all then as the days wore on slowly started to get back into eating but unfortunately not the right kind of eating. White bread, full cream milk & lots of coffee. People dropping off cake, slices & desserts. No fresh fruit or veges anywhere in my diet. I was craving fresh food but I was stranded 20kms from the nearest shop with no car! Yep I know I am fitter now but not to walk 40kms to get an apple. So up the weight went. Oh & nil exercise as well. Being there for everyone meant I didn't look after me. If I had my time over again I would have made sure the boy left a car here so I could have gotten myself out & about. Had checked out the local gym for classes etc but alas no way to get there.

Then I returned to work, gym & healthy eating (to a point). On my second week back at work I had my follow up Dexa Scan....to say I was disappointed was an understatement. I lost over 2% body fat & increased my lean muscle over 1kgs but was really hoping for more. So after a week of soul searching and really having no direction I had my 1:1 PT session on Monday with my ever patient & wonderful PT we set goals for the next 12wks & beyond.  I now have my direction & know where I am headed. Now just to put it all into place.

Was driving home tonight (on my own, boy at home on a day off) and realised I don't have control of everything in life but I do have control on what I do, what I eat & how I train.  So lets get to smashing those goals.....oh & my goal for this round is 13kgs weight loss which will take me within 5kgs of goal & Round 3 will be L&S.

Quote of the day:

Everything will be ok in the end ~ if things aren't ok its not the end !!!

A week in time...

**Warning: post about mum's passing, if u think it will upset or offend you pls don't read**

I was set to smash my last 2 weeks of 12wbt, I had reset my goals & a plan was in place but mum had other ideas in mind.

Last Friday morning my Facebook status read "At 7.44pm last night god took home one of his angels. Mum u r in such a better place, what an epic battle you fought ! Say hi to Grandma & Nana for me & until we meet again RIP beautiful lady".

And from that moment our lives changed forever.

We arrived in Tamworth just after 10pm. The hospital was ready for us & escorted up to Ward 8. We spent an hour & a bit with her. She looked perfect, no pain, no strain just peaceful. An hour felt like 5mins & it was time to leave. The weirdest feeling was leaving her there for the last time. Dad was the last to see her & say "Goodnite" things were as they should be.

As we drove home (to Dad's) in the car the tears came again as I started to realise how long forever actually meant.

The feeling at home was surreal like a fog! Everyone sitting around talking about the day & the week leading up to it...I was sometimes participating & sometimes it was like they were talking in the distance.

Don was & still is my absolute rock. He was so upset himself as he was close to mum but he made sure he was there for me all the time. From the second we received the text message from dad still 1.5hrs from the hospital don was by my side. For a long time with no words just a comfortable silence.

The days that followed were a blur! Lots of family arriving & friends! My brother & SIL, niece & nephews spent the first few days driving to & from their place to ours each day! It was great to share the time with them! We had lots of laughs & tears over the week.

We organised a private cremation followed by a memorial service for mum. Anzac day was the Wednesday & we decided to give friends & family the option to travel so her service was arranged for Thurs 26/4. As the day grew closer the nervous tension was building. The family had been together for nearly a week & had processed alot in this time so we knew that the service would reignite the feelings of loss & the meaning of forever. It was a beautiful day & we paid tribute to a much loved wife, mother, nana & friend.

I am not sure u ever "get over" a loss like this but I guess in time we will learn to live with our new kind of normal.

My mum was amazing, she was alot of things to alot of people but to me she was mum & I am going to miss her like no other!

I will miss the Mothers Day Classic this year as I will be here in Tamworth but from next year on I will honour mum's memory by entering each year!

Love you Mum !


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Many ramblings

I have always hidden eating food ! Examples red skins broken in half or packet of mm's in my uniform pocket at school to nibble on thru out the day ! Cake mixes in margarine containers eating whilst mum wasn't home ! Jaffas at work just yesterday ! Haigh's freckles eaten at 9am hidden in my desk draw ! Big orange balls from darrell Lea hidden in bag eaten on the way home! Binge at home packets hidden in the bin ! Eating healthily when people are watching !

New habit: whatever I eat own it & eat in public so everyone can see !

You can have a voice ! You can have an opinion ! You must let people speak without talking over the top of them ! You are allowed to feel ! You can support yourself ! You are allowed to do what you want ! You can listen to criticism without reacting to it ! You can have the life you always wanted ! You can feel for someone who is going through a rough time but you don't have to actually live their problems ! You are allowed to be scared that mum won't survive the treatment ! You are allowed to be worried about dad & how he will cope once she's gone !

When mum & dad come to stay I allow them to make me feel like that trapped teenager trying to find my way in the world but being stifled by rules & restrictions !

I am allowed to place realistic expectations on myself & set goals to achieve these !

I have a responsibility to myself to be the absolute best version of me !

I need to take responsibility for things within my control eg spending, eating & training !

I know what I need to do to shift these last 15-20kgs ! I need to take responsibility & do it for myself !

When someone asks me to do something I don't want to do eg eat junk food for lunch - say no & let them deal with their own stuff !

You can stop living thru others peoples live yours is pretty awesome ! It appears some people have it better but you don't know all their circumstances until you live with them !

I don't want to be skinny just fit, toned & healthy !

You are allowed to be worried that I will have excess skin that may not come back in ! Still unsure if I could have the surgery if I needed to !

It is ok to be worried about stuff u haven't done before like going on a ride with Don but it's not ok to not do it at all. Failure is not falling off failure is sitting at home on the lounge with food & not going !

Not sure how I feel about posting this on my blog but in spirit of putting it out there I just may do it !!


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And that's half way !

The last 6 weeks have had their ups & downs, more downs than ups (for which I am very grateful) however there were challenges.

Really need to flex my willpower muscle. I know I have greater mental strength especially when it comes to training but I can still talk myself into anything (well not anything) but almost when it comes to food. I will even admit to one day last week to a maccas dinner ! Absolutely hated it, knew I would but paid my hard earned money for the plastic crap anyway. It doesn't make me feel to good....not sick....just not healthy. Oh my excuse for this dinner - we are late so will call in & eat before we go home. Yeah right !!!

My home is still filled with healthy food, I did my kitchen clean out in Round 2 last year and really haven't gone back since, I know if I am at home and the choice is walk down the road (8 houses) to the servo to get junk food or take whats already here my laziness will kick in & will enjoy that apple or yoghurt. Now we just have to get through Easter !!!

I have 2 weeks I reckon & the scales will read with an 8 and I don't mean 98 :) I am going to be doing a teary happy dance that Wednesday morning !!! Its a little scary cause I am moving into territory that I haven't been in in my adult life. I have never been this fit & sometimes still surprise myself.

Bring on the next 6wks !!!!

A difference 11mths maketh....

11 months ago I started to become a member of fitness first not just a financial member (if you know what I mean)

My first workout during pre-season, Round 2, April 2011 I did this:

5mins X-trainer
15mins bike - Level 2 70RPM
Burned a total of 90 cals

Yesterday, Round 1, March 2012 I did this:

Body Attack
Body Pump
Body Combat
Burned a total of 1671 cals.

Ok so just a slight improvement !

My SSS for yesterday did not have the best prep as we went out for dinner in the city on Friday night. Left city at a reasonable time expecting to get home just a little after 10.30pm for a good nights sleep but the gods would see to it that this was not to be the case as I climbed aboard the bus & before the boy could get on the driver closed the doors exclaiming he was full.  Whoops that left us about 20kms apart and going on for 10.30pm. After numerous buses turned up already full I drove back into city (20mins) and picked the boy up for the drive home.  Arrived home just after 12.30am & had to be up at 7am to throw down a protein shake & go to my SSS.

My first Body Attack class. Thought it would be & it was...old style, grape vine aerobics...not my style but I did it anyway !

Body Pump was the class where I realised how my hard work was paying off.  I used a 5kg bar to warm up, 10kg bar on squat track & 5kgs on all other small muscle groups except the back/hamstrings track I had a 7kg bar. I had the weirdest feeling when I layed on the step to do chest presses, I couldn't workout why my arms could feel the towel / step.  Then I realised its cause I fitted on the step. You see previously when I did Body Pump I was wider than the step mmm so I have lost size :)

Body Combat of course just goes without saying it is a stable in my routine & I still love my Tuesday night class more than ever but have difficulty burning 500 cals in a class now so really have to amp it up !

Needless to say when I arrived home yesterday afternoon (after refueling at the cafe for lunch) I was very weary, tried to stay awake but alas at around 3pm it all got too much & I laid down for a "little nap" and over 2hrs later I woke up :) boy I needed that !

I am loving life so much right now.  Oh & for work on Friday I put my size 16 pants on & they fitted perfectly !!!!

I climbed a mountain

Our weekend started a long time before the weekend actually got here ! But here is a recap of the weekend....grab a coffee its going to take a while !

The alarm went off at 5.15am. It was Friday morning & we were finally about to embark on our journey to the Snowy Mountains. We knew the traffic could be pretty bad on Parramatta Rd but we took out chances & it paid off we arrived at Stanmore Maccas approx 6.50am.  We were due at RPA at 7.20 so woohoo there was time for coffee (and possibly a bacon & egg mcmuffin).

We drove from Stanmore Maccas to RPA where we picked up our transport for the weekend.

Back to Stanmore Maccas where we picked up the first passengers. Then we set out for Parramatta Station were we would pick up the remaining people. All went without a hitch & we were in Goulburn for morning tea about 11am.  The weather was perfect with no rain in sight !





A quick stop in Canberra for fuel & we were off again with a planned stop in Cooma. We had lunch at "The Lott" a beautiful goats cheese & brocolli tart with salad.  We were only 90kms from our destination.  We could almost smell Thredbo !

After boarding the bus again we set out for Thredbo ! We arrived just after 4.30pm & it was so warm. Not a rain cloud in sight. We dropped everyone at their accommodation then the boy & I drove the bus to the parking lot & walked back. Met everyone in the village & we went for our first (of many) drinks at the bistro.  Dinner was at 7pm so we had plenty of time to relax after our trip.

Dinner on Friday night was at Black Bear Restaurant.  It was next door to our ski lodge (Candlelight Lodge). I had a pork steak on mashed sweet pot & baked apple. It was devine ! (I do believe garlic bread may have been on the menu but no dessert).  We did not have dessert at the Black Bear Restaurant as a little prior planning had taken place to surprise Chan with a little surprise bday party.

After dinner I helped Louise with her bags from the car (actually not it was Chan's bday cake).  Then it was my job to keep her at the restaurant for as long as I could to give Lou time to decorate the room & get it ready. I get back to the restaurant and everyone is ready to leave.  Holly hell !!  I text Lou & tell her to blow the balloons faster as we are finished.  She tells me to stall...I try ! Outside the restaurant and everyone has decided to back to the bistro for drinks. I tell Chan we are going to the room she protests & says why can't we go for drinks. Eventually I tell her to do whats she's told & go to her room hehehe!  And look what was waiting for her when she got there !

After we had bday singing, champagne & cake we ventured back down to the bistro for drinks with the rest of our 12wbt crew ! Got back to the room & in bed about 11.30pm.

We woke up about 7am. It was the perfect day & we knew we had a big day ahead of us. This is what we woke up to.

After breakfast we headed to the village for a look around and then back to the ski lodge to pick up our picnic pack to take to the top of the mountain for lunch:

At 9.50am we walked through the village and met our guide, Marion for our walk up the mountain. We then had to get on the chairlift, never been on one of those before but it was ok except at the top when we tried to lift the bar up & we all still had our feet on it but you live & learn.

We set off to walk to the summit of Mt Kozzie & we had 5hrs + in front of us. The trees only grow to about 1850m so from there until 2228m (at the peak) there is no trees. Just rock, moss & a few streams ! It was sooo hot. We covered ourselves in sunscreen as the UV was extreme but there were places the sunscreen didn't touch & yep you guessed it we got burnt. The worst place was on the top of my ears (ouch) !

After a few hours of walking up & down hills we rounded the courner where we could see the summit, I took Chan by the arm & we walked that last bit arm in arm !!! Chan realised her dream that day as the whole weekend wouldn't have happended without her dream of climbing Mt Kozzie !

We sat on top of the tallest mountain & we ate our picnic lunch, yes including the cherry ripe ! Then it was time to walk back down ! It was sooo hot. We recorded 31 degs on top of the mountain. The walk down seemed faster than the walk up. We knew we had to make the chairlift by 4.30pm as this was the last one & we had absolutely no intention of walking down the mountain. We arrived at the chairlift at approx 3.50pm so we decided to refresh at the Eagles Nest cafe. The highest in Australia.

On the chairlift the 4 of us chatted & decided when we got to the bottom we would go around again (up and back). When we got to the top (again) it was 4.28pm we joked with operator about letting us go back down ! She said oh no we have to stop the chairlift at 4.30 *insert smilie face*.  At approx 2mins later with us at 80m above the ground she stopped the chairlift for what seemed like forever. Then it kicked back to life to the cheer of 4 grateful passengers.

We got the bottom, headed back to our rooms & had dinner at T-Bar Restaurant at 6.30pm.  I got back to the room & finally peeled off my shoes & socks...yep blister the size of a 20cents on my foot...now I know why I hurt on the way down ! We went for drinks after dinner, presented the bus owner, bus driver & Chan with their cards/gifts to say thanks & found ourselves back in the rooms about 11.30pm. Had a great chat with my 2 besties and went to bed feeling very tired (and burnt) but extemely proud of all we had accomplished that day !

Next more I got up & stretched - I do believe this helped with stiffness although then ensuing 6hrs sitting on a bus did not ! Breakfast again then we were off to get the bus, pick everyone up & proceed to do everything in the reverse order !

After leaving home on Friday morning at 5.45am, climbing a mountain & driving everyone safely back to their respective destinations, having dinner at Chan's local we arrived home at 8.15pm. 

Very very glad we had Monday off !

My first week in review....

Food great - training awesome !

Have had an awesome first week! No junk food ! No "little extras". Stayed strong even in the face of adversity. 

On Friday went for a walk with one of the girls at lunch time (not training just a walk). On the way back she decided her lunch would be Hungry Jacks mmm now I had my penang chicken in the fridge at work, so many times I have ditched my lunch at work for takeaway (when the situation allowed). Not this time ! I sat & had the worst coffee ever (blah don't even buy coffee from Hungry Jacks) then went back to work & had my penang chicken & it was sooo good. I wasn't the slightest bit envious of her eating that takeaway...it looked plastic & not tasty or enticing at all.

I missed one training session on Thursday but made up for it yesterday by riding 20kms !

Today to finish off the week will be an awesome (and hot) session at PitP.

I am so loving this right now ! I am so close to having an "8" on the scales (and I don't mean 98) that I can smell it !! Bring on next Wed....getting closer !

Next weekend will be a challenge food wise as we have not much control over what we eat but will make the most of it ! Will come back & write a blog post on conquering the mountain !